Despite the fact that they have had almost all of their careers with Disney, they are expanding a bit more into uncharted territory with their careers. The new episode is tonight and will give everyone a chance to see what kind of move this is for Aly and Ashley. Its great that they are both able to jump into this one together, and we wish the best for them.

Below are a few clips from the show.

How to Catch a Negative Thought

Have you ever examined the mental chatter you have in your head? Is it positive or negative? Do you find yourself in constant doubt? Second-guessing yourself when you should have gone for it? Were you encouraged when you were young? Did you ever know you could do that, but was afraid of failure?

So many questions!

All these thoughts stop us from making a lot of mistakes. Problem is mistakes are the way mankind usually learns. Surviving his mistakes makes man stronger and wiser in a manner that he never forgets. Because we stops ourselves, we don’t grow as much.

Learn to recognize negative thoughts. Here are the signs:

- Automatic. These thoughts seem to come naturally to your mind. One would be mistaken to think they are the norm though. If children were observed, why would they be uninhibited then?

We are all naturally without negative thoughts. As children, to be integrated into society meant that we have to be trained to be a part of society. This meant that measures had to be taken to keep us in check at times.

Unfortunately some parents took to verbal and physical punishment as a means to control their kids. But the purpose to discipline gets outlived and we still remember the shaming incidents we went through more than a decade ago. Without conscious intervention, we keep the tape running over and over again.

- Emotionally charged. We feel strongly about it. We are involved with it. Our blood goes pumping and our heart rater kicks up more than a notch. We can’t help it. But are we helpless?

Fortunately, we are not helpless. Though for years we have been avoiding the subject, we can choose to face the facts and make ourselves better again. The first step is to accept that we have this problem.

We can also choose the response we give this kind of stimulation. Viktor Frankl, a concentration camp internee taught that “between stimulus and response, there is a gap.” With practice, we can widen this gap and create a space where we can react in a manner we choose to a situation.

- Draining. Negative thoughts do not give energy to go on doing things at the same level or makes us suddenly lose our enthusiasm. We become distracted and preoccupied where concentration and focus is required.

Negative thoughts take energy away from the work you do. It is counterproductive and makes you get in the way of yourself. If you find yourself in this situation, stop. Take a break, and take time to return to your center.

Find a quiet corner and sit down. Relax and close your eyes. Concentrate on breathing naturally through your mouth. Take slow deep breaths that go all the way into your center. When you find yourself totally on your breath, then you can think about things that make you happy and excited.

After a few minutes, you’ll feel invigorated and ready to do another round.

Negative thoughts are a product of what happened to us in the past. It may well be good advice that we find ways to keep it in the past, let go and move on into the present and future without any useless baggage.

True Compliments Must Be Acknowledged

Compliments are defined as statements of praise. What most people look at when being given a compliment is the truth behind the comment. This is because people as social beings want to be acknowledged for the contributions they have made to society.

Compliments are a good way for people to tell them how great they are. However, since compliments are so easy to dish out, it must be absolutely truthful. People can smell a lying or an insulting compliment a mile away. You can see it in the eyes, the posture, even the smile of the one making the compliment.

As grease for the social wheel, compliments have seen abuse many times for its convenience. This has caused a double-edged phenomenon among people that makes them automatically reject compliments with a negative disparaging remark about themselves or accept it too readily.

In short, people nowadays prefer to sell themselves short than to accept a compliment.

It became apparent that people with low self-esteem tend to reject compliments and establish a false sense of modesty while people with an overweening confidence tend to accept compliments with an edge to it. The art of accepting compliments was in danger of becoming lost.

Here’s how to accept compliments without coming off as cocky or as a rejecter:

-    Know yourself. This cannot be emphasized enough. To get rid of the insecurity that compliments generate in a person, knowledge about oneself is the most important factor.
With self-knowledge, you know yourself more than anybody can. When a compliment is given, you can instantly detect whether it was genuine by the sheer fact that you know where you truly stand in the scheme of things. Compliments that are specific usually mean people are sincere.

Nothing feels better than to be acknowledged for a job hard fought and truly well done. When you know you have given all you had to the project, the late nights, the overtime, the concentration, you should accept it with good grace, because you know you deserve the accolades.

-    Learn to say Thank You. Compliments are one of the hardest things to accept for most people. So take a breath and practice saying “Thank you” to the wonderful gift of compliments.

Acknowledge the compliment by giving a genuine and sincere appreciation of the remark. It is not necessary to give another one back to the complimenter. This is not a market where you have to do an exchange. Just don’t forget when the opportunity comes for you to give one yourself.

-    Trust your instincts. How can you tell the person is sincere? You can try trusting your first impressions. The first two seconds is enough for your intuition to see whether people mean what they say about you.

Nevertheless, you most probably accept the compliment anyway to keep the wheel rolling along. Except that now you will take this compliment with a grain of salt. But also take stock of your condition. You might be tired and might react differently. It all depends on whether you are able to observe yourself and your reactions. That way you won’t be caught off guard.

Is it hard or easy for you to accept compliments?

Self-Esteem and the Rise to Happiness

When the Oracle of Delphi gave man the advice to “know thyself,” it was the best advice she could give. Man is an animal with the ability to think and be aware of its own predicament. With his mind, he has created works of art, solved problems, codified language, raised cities, etc. That is a great distinction. Our minds are very powerful!

However, because man is aware of himself, he is also endowed with the flip side of having a mind. Sometimes he can be too aware of himself. He is easily swayed by outside circumstances beyond his control. He sees things that don’t exist.

It is imperative that man must above all master himself in order to live a full life on this earth. The key to this good life is how he views himself or his self-esteem.

Self-esteem is the way man views himself, simply put. It is a subjective assessment of himself as he interacts with others and the environment he lives in. This is one of the major factors that determine how well a person will do in this life. Unless training is done to rein in his emotions and have a different way of viewing things, self-esteem can be exceedingly fragile.

Most people derive high self-esteem from the things they do. This is especially apparent with people who work. High self-esteem can result from work which skills and challenge are equally matched. This result in the experience of what Dr. Csikszentmihalyi describes as flow. The more flow you have in life, the more fulfilling your life can become.

Self-esteem can be derived from any activity even housework, chores, taking care of children or studying. The essential thing behind it is that man must know where he is going.

Self-esteem can be improved in the following ways:

-    Know your strengths. Take stock of yourself and know what you are really good at. It is important for you to develop the talents that you are naturally gifted at. Whether the skill is the ability to write well, have photographic memory, the ability to speak Latin backwards, you must find a venue for your talents to flourish.How do you know what your strengths are? Think of things and situations you were in that were difficult for others but was easy for you. Did you always ace that English class without even studying? That could be an area of strength. Other people have great talents under the guise of mediocrity.

-    Acknowledge areas for improvement. Weaknesses must be recognized for the weaknesses they are and shouldn’t be sugar-coated into something like being human. The worst thing people can do to weaknesses is to ignore them and keep them under wraps.

The more a secret is hidden, the more the secret will be found out. This goes the same with weaknesses. Everyone has an area to improve, so don’t compare yourself to others. Take stock of the weakness, and try to find ways to address it or take time to turn it into strength that drives you to better places.

-    Don’t take it personally. Detach. Take situations as they come. Never unnecessarily let others make you feel bad just to make themselves feel better. Refuse to do so. Avoid these people like the plague enough to even change jobs. Trust, it will be worth the change. Low self-esteem can be contagious.

Cultivate a logical view of things. Passions come so easily to men that the imposition of logic and reason is an exercise in being truly human. The ancient philosophers have time and again exhorted man to master his passions and work on their ascension.

-    Know what you can control. There is only one thing in the world that you have absolute control over. It is the will alone. It is only your mind that you have complete mastery over. Even the body is not under your full control else you would be able to dictate the beats of your heart or the breath you take.

The mind is the vehicle for all things possible. And the passions fuel this dream. Focus and let yourself enjoy the process.

-    Set your goals. Fragmentation of concentration holds you back more than you know. Knowing what you want and when you want it cuts through all the chaff. Aim high and let your mind find ways to get it.

If you need to adjust, do so. The whole point is to make sure you get to where you chose to be in the future and not what others want you to be.

-    Laugh! The world is strange and absurd. Don’t take things too seriously. Have fun with other with the understanding that they all are here to help you and are taking their own journeys to better themselves as well.

Raising self-esteem is a personalized art form. Some techniques may work on others and some don’t. Try to mix and match, experiment as far and wide as you can until you can get a good handle on yourself. And you’ll find things will just get better for you.

How Does One Get Self-Esteem?

Some people will live their entire lives having extremely low self-esteem. They will never get to feel the joy that a healthy self-esteem gives. How does one get self-esteem, or at least try to get it back?

Self-esteem is one’s own view of himself. It highlights the beauty of the person in the context of the world. Self-esteem is not seeing oneself as the best person in the whole world it is a mere appreciation of the self as it is. A healthy self-esteem is not characterized by overflowing overconfidence nor is it the lack of it.

What are the signs of a healthy self-esteem? Here are some them:

-Being Happy for who you are

People with a healthy self-esteem are people who view themselves as unique yet beautiful. Having a healthy self-esteem will make a person take the notions of the world regarding what’s beautiful or what’s not in a good light. He takes them into consideration but the ultimate basis for his views is his own belief. A person may not be as good-looking or as talented as other people but he can be as happy as he can be.
-Unafraid to take challenges

A healthy self-esteem will lead to self-confidence. People with healthy self-esteem are comfortable in trying out new things because they are not afraid to make mistakes and make fools of themselves once in a while. They are aware that there is no perfect person and everybody makes mistakes, so there’s no reason for them to hide their weaknesses.

Being unafraid of committing mistakes is a sign of self-acceptance, with an emphasis on one’s weaknesses. This is an important part of self-acceptance and self-appreciation.

-Accept mistakes and learn from them

Another healthy sign of a healthy self-esteem is the acceptance of one’s mistakes and learning from them. A person with a low self-esteem would blame and put himself down continuously for the mistakes that he commits. It is a very unhealthy practice indeed.

There are a lot of factors to consider when making mistakes. Most of the time, these mistakes are brought about by consequences around us. Learning to accept mistakes and learning to learn from is a first step towards loving yourself.

-No need to prove oneself to others

People with healthy self-esteem need not to prove themselves to other people just to find self-worth and to feel accepted. People with low self-esteem tend to be restless in doing things in an effort to impress others. They equate success with self-worth and finding true happiness. There is more to life than getting a perfect score, shooting every basket and beating everybody else.

Having a healthy self-esteem may not necessarily equate to being happy. It is also possible that a person with a healthy self-esteem is unsatisfied with certain circumstances in his life and this makes him unhappy with the whole picture of his life. However, having a healthy self-esteem is a pre-requisite to having true happiness. If one owns the world and lives the life of a king but he views himself as a pathetic loser, do you think he will find happiness from all the material wealth that he has? It is more possible that his material wealth will aggravate his personal insecurities.

So how does one develop a healthy self-esteem? Listed below are some helpful tips into getting self-esteem.

-See the beauty in you

Self-esteem starts from self-acceptance and self-acceptance is built through seeing one’s strengths and weaknesses. Identifying one’s perceived strengths and weaknesses can be a useful tool in becoming a better person and having a better feeling towards oneself.

-Learn to let go

Let go of your mistakes and move on. Leave the negative things behind and bring the lessons along the journey. If one dwells on a mistake too much, it would eventually burn every ounce of self-esteem left in him.

-Learn to stop comparing

Stop comparing yourself to others. It may be okay to compare yourself to someone else on the descriptive level. You are who you are and let others be themselves.

-Teach your inner voice

The inner voice is the small voice inside your head which usually lowers one’s self-esteem by dwelling on his faults and weaknesses. Speak to yourself in a positive tone. Always use positive remarks and try to leave out the destructive criticisms.

Finding self-esteem is not an easy thing to do. It is a task which cannot be done by anybody else but you. No amount of external intervention can influence someone who doesn’t want self-esteem. Having self-esteem is a conscious choice. It can be the hardest thing to do but it can also be the easiest.

People who may get low self esteem

Definitely, that Piglet character in Walt Disney cartoon’s Winnie the Pooh, has low self esteem.  If you have watched that cartoon movie, you will see that Piglet is often shy because he thinks he is too small to even matter.  He has low regard for himself and does not even acknowledge his accomplishments.

But in real life, who are the people who are vulnerable to having low self esteem?  Since self esteem is primarily gained from childhood, most people who have low self esteem are those who have bad memories of their growing up years. These are people who have never really grown up.

The following are the kinds of children who will most likely get low self esteem when they become adults.

1. Children who are products of broken families have a higher risk factor. Those who grew up with a single parent or none at all, will most likely grow up to be an insecure person.  A child, no matter how innocent he may be, will question the reality that he has only one parent while all the other kids have two parents to care for them.  The lack of one or two parents will be seen by the child as a flaw in his personality.

Parents who are getting a divorce or separation, should try to talk things out with their children and make them understand that they will always be there for them despite the separation.  Children should be made aware that the separation is not their fault, and that their parents will still help each other in raising them, though they may be living separately.

2. Children who have very critical parents. Those whose parents are criticizing their every move, will turn out to be overly critical themselves when they grow up.  Behind this overly critical nature is a child who has never really gotten over the undue and sometimes painful criticisms addressed to him by the very people who should have given him support early in life.

Parents should avoid nagging their children about their imperfections.  Do not magnify the small mistakes committed by children.  Rather, dismiss their failures as something trivial and remind the child that there is always a next time to try and do better.

3. Children who were never shown love and affection by their parents. Children who never experienced being loved by their parents will most likely grow up with a poor sense of self.  The reasoning is, if their own parents could not love them for what they are, then who will?  Parents should show affection to their children by giving them hugs and kisses.  These are simple things but they can make children fell loved and needed.

4. Children who are victims of physical, verbal and sexual abuse. Children who have been abused while they were growing up will see themselves as objects to be used.  While physical and sexual abuse ranks high in traumatizing children, verbal abuse can also turn them into insecure people later on.  Nagging your children about how badly they performed in school will do nothing good but see you as the enemy.  This will not only put a strain on your relationship but will also instill in his mind how incapable he is.

A child who has been sexually abused will most likely grow up scared and scarred.  Such a child may grow up and look normal on the outside.  However, the years could never erase the pain and the degradation brought about by being sexually abused, either by a parent or anyone else in the family.

Children who grew up under the said circumstances will behave differently when they become adults.  But deep inside, there is a common denominator among them; the feeling of not being wanted and loved.  When you feel these things about yourself, then self respect will most likely be non existent,  When you grow up unloved by those around you, then you will most likely have low self worth or self esteem when you become an adult.

A high self esteem comes from being secure of your worth as a person.  It comes from knowing that people you love and who matter, reciprocates your feelings.  It comes from acknowledging that you are a unique person who has his own talent and strength.  And finally it comes from knowing how to sort out credible and constructive criticisms from damaging one.

How does one get a high self esteem?
Have you ever criticized, even cursed yourself for doing something wrong?  Have you tried torturing yourself by doing a monologue of how silly and stupid you are, and how useless you are to society?  If you have been doing this on a regular basis, then you may have a low self esteem.

Self esteem is the overall image or value you have of yourself, it is how you look at yourself when you look in the mirror. If you look in the mirror and you see a loser who can do nothing more than commit mistakes, then you may have a very low self image.

A person’s self esteem does not come from out of the blue.  It is not something you were born with, although it is partly determined by the circumstances into which you were born.  It is not manna from heaven and it cannot be bought by money.

Self esteem is acquired by a person early in life, when he was just a child, starting to recognize faces. He gains a little of it whenever he practices his gait and he gets encouragement from his parents, even if he manages to fumble a couple of times or more.  He gains a little more of it as he becomes a toddler and his parents would give him hugs and kisses and tells him he is the their most precious possession.

As the child becomes a teenager, he has more or less developed a certain degree of self esteem gained from childhood.   This degree of self esteem can be developed if as a teenager, he is recognized for his little achievements, and given a pat in the back and a comforting shoulder whenever he fails.

When this child becomes an adult, his self worth will be determined by the totality of his experiences growing up and the way he was treated by his family and friends.  A high self esteem can serve as his arsenal whenever confronted by damaging criticisms and negative feedbacks from various people.

Effects of low self esteem

People who grew up in a very critical environment, where achievements are rarely praised and where faults are given more emphasis will most likely have a very low self esteem.  Among the effects of a low self esteem are:

1. It can cause anxiety and depression. A person with a low self esteem is always concerned about pleasing other people.  The more he tries to make other people happy, the more he becomes depressed and unsure of himself.  And when he becomes unsure of himself, he will take this as a negative attribute, leading to a lesser self worth.  It goes on and on until he does not anymore have a clear view of himself as a person.
2. A low self esteem can result in a setback in a person’s performance in school or his career goals. A person who thinks less of himself will more likely have very low grades.  If already working, a person with low self esteem will experience some difficulty in his career as he could not even perform his ordinary responsibilities well.

3. Lack of self esteem can create tension in a person’s relationship with other people. Because he looks down on himself too much, this person cannot maintain a healthy relationship.  He thinks he is lower than anybody and he is not worth loving.

4. Low self esteem can lead to dependency problems. Many people who have very low regard for themselves get into drugs because they look at substance abuse as the only way to confirm their existence.  Others become alcoholics, opting to become intoxicated rather than confront the difficulty of facing one’s self.

People with low self esteem or low self worth have very little or no self confidence at all.  A single mistake, no matter how small, will always be blown out of proportion.  A person with low self esteem will always blame himself for anything that happens regardless of the factors involved in the incident.

A person who has low self esteem is fragile and can be easily influenced by people who take advantage of other people’s frailty.  While self esteem has its roots in a person’s childhood there is still a chance to develop the self worth of adults who treat themselves as lesser mortals.  However, it will take an extra effort and determination, as well as a good support group before one can achieve this.

We are going to give you some tips on How to Build Your Self-Esteem. Here is Part 1: What is Self-Esteem?

How does self esteem work?

Tracy has been in and out of relationships for so long that she is beginning to think that no one is out there for her.  No matter how she tried, and no matter what kind of guy she goes steady with, it always ends up with a big bang, and the door is usually slammed at her end.

She has blamed herself for her failed relationships because she was so kind or nosy, or forgiving, selfless, clingy.  You name it; every single bad thing that happened to the relationship was her fault.   Up to now, she could not help but wonder what went wrong.  She has done everything to make it work but nothing she does seems to make a difference and she still hasn’t found “Mr. Right.”

At first glance, there is really nothing wrong with Tracy, nor with the men in her lives.  But as you probe into their day to day activities, you realize that Tracy looks okay on the outside, but has very low regard for herself on the inside.  She seems like an ordinary girl next door but she is actually suffering from what we call low self esteem.

Self esteem is how you regard or value yourself in terms of your job, your accomplishments, your relationship with your peers and your family and your place in the society.  It is actually the image you have of yourself.  Having high self esteem means you have a high regard for yourself while low self esteem means you perceive no value of yourself.

People with high self esteem are usually people who are happy and confident. It is not about bragging about what you have or your accomplishments, but it is taking stock of what kind of person you are given all your facts in life.

Self esteem is an important trait of every individual because it influences and sometimes even determines success in your personal life and in your career. Having a high self esteem means you respect yourself, and it is most often the reason why others respect you.

A person with high self esteem will do the right thing even if exposed to the wrong set of people.  A person who regards himself highly will not follow what other people are doing because he has his own discernment of what is right and wrong.

Self esteem grows on you, depending on how you were treated as a child.  If you were encouraged or praised by your family while growing up, then you will probably have a high self esteem when you become an adult.  However, there are people who may have high self esteem while growing up, but then later developed a low image of themselves because of certain factors.

Factors that lower self esteem

1. Divorce or separation-A child who grew up in the right environment and with the right kind of people giving him support and encouragement will have a high self esteem.  However, an incident like the divorce or separation of his parents will most likely shatter the child’s high image of himself, and he could end up blaming himself for the separation.  He will then go into a vicious cycle of looking down on himself and of treating others differently because of such an incident.

2. Physical attributes-A child who is on the chubby side while growing up may be considered as cute by his family and friends and so the frequent encouragement and praise will help him develop high self esteem.  However, as he grows older, his environment changes and then he is exposed to the reality that society generally frowns on people who are on the heavy side.  This creates confusion and identity crisis which may lead to self pity and the development of a low self image.

3. Rejection-A child who grew up with supportive parents and siblings will most likely become an adult with a high self esteem.  However, constant exposure to critical people who insult him and criticize him may create a dent in his high self image.  His comfort zone is now gone and there is a possibility that he will be rejected by other people who are not so kind or who may have very high standards.

A person’s self esteem will serve as his defense and survival kit against the competitive nature of society. Growing up with a high self esteem will already be an advantage because such a person already knows his true value.  However, he must keep close contact with the people who really matter to him to maintain his self worth, and avoid people who will try to ruin his self image.

Let Yourself Know How Great You Are

Religious people might actually have a good idea. Next time, when you hear the chant of monks, the homily in a Catholic Church, the singing from the Gregorian, remember that it is a way of affirmation of themselves and of their faith. And you can use it to affirm yourselves.

People from all walks of life use affirmations to keep themselves going. Warriors, merchants, students, even politicians. This is because affirmations are a surefire way of reminding the self of their choices and their goals.

Affirmations are defined as declarations of the belief of an existence or truth of a thing. This is one of the foundations of self-confidence and the way one can deal with the world.

Sometimes we lose track of ourselves. It happens at work, taking care of the needs of your wife and kids. Or meeting your obligations at church or in your workout, sometimes we forget the “why” of things.

Most people go through life not setting goals. In fact, only three out of a hundred college students in the United States set goals. These 3% eventually go on to realize their goals and earn a higher income than the rest of the 97%. This is a startling figure. It means that goals are not taken seriously.

People with goals are more confident of themselves because they measure themselves against a benchmark. This has the effect of letting them know where they truly stand against the goals they set.

It may be understandable that people lose their way after they set the goals. This may have been a result of having no mechanism to constantly affirm their actions. Or there was no method set up to affirm the goals they have set, reminding them the reason for working long and hard.

When goals are forgotten, time is wasted. And the person loses his self-esteem, his confidence, and gives up.

It is therefore important to maintain a high self-confident attitude that does not depart from reality. The role affirmation plays on maintaining self-confidence is in the area of autosuggestion.

Autosuggestion is a declaration of an intention or a goal is stated over and over again until the mind of the person accepts the statement as truth. This type of affirmation is viewed positively and it mobilizes one’s resources and effort towards the attainment of the goals so stated.

It is also a means of harnessing the power of the subconscious in helping achieve goals. It is a form of self-hypnosis, usually accompanied by having a compelling vision with the statement; the person repetitively tries to live through the moment ad if it already happened.

Sports psychology has made use of autosuggestion and visualization to win games and this was proven time and again by claims made by athletes. It seems that human beings are quite good at mentally programming themselves to achieve a specific goal.

However, the opposite effect can also take place. One can repetitively place himself in a position where negative thought repeatedly bombard the mind into submission. The brain makes no distinction between a positive suggestion and a negative suggestion.

Therefore the wording of the affirmation is very important. It is always better to declare a statement in a positive sense instead of the negative because the mind does not hear any negative remarks.

For example, if one wants to stop smoking, his statement should not be “I will not smoke.” The mind can only perceive and accept it as “I will smoke.” It would always be better to say, “I will exercise daily to be healthy.”

The more positive the affirmation the more powerful the effect of the affirmation will have.

Affirmations must be stated everyday. It should the first thing done when one wakes up, before work is started, and before one goes to sleep. This is programming the mind for success.

Visualization is executed by seeing a future event in as great detail as one can. It must involve all the senses, even taste and smell. The objective is to create a compelling vision that the mind will readily accept as reality. If done correctly, the mind will subconsciously work towards the fulfillment of that desire.

The mind is a powerful tool for success. Because it is like a sponge, one must be careful what one or others put in it. Use affirmations and visualizations to clean up your mind as well.

Nothing happens easily. However, employ some of the principles outlined here and in no time your self confidence will soar! Best of luck.

Choice: Between Stimulus and Response

Have you ever tried to smile and think a negative thought? Usually the result is that one of the feelings will win out. Whether it is you will feel better because you smiled or that you will eventually feel bad and frown, this is an important fact in human psychology.

Humans cannot really hold attention on more than one thought at a time. This is the key to mastering oneself in this life.

Victor Frankl was an Austrian psychiatrist who ended up in a concentration camp during World War II. He witnessed numerous atrocities and was a victim of German experimentation himself.

However, he observed that people trapped in the camp had different ways of dealing with their dire predicament. Some people lost the will to live, others went mad. Some men turned on their fellow inmates, while some ended their lives in suicide.

There were others, though who turned out quite differently. There were men who went from hut to hut, and gave away their last piece of bread. They encouraged the men, women, and children of the camp to keep on living. They gave them a reason to hope for a better future.

Why were these men, in the face of overwhelming despair, still able to master themselves enough to help others with their problems? This is what puzzled Frankl. But even he would eventually find out why when he was tortured.

Frankl believes that between stimuli and response lays the choice of man to react to any given circumstance. He has practiced this in the concentration camps and his sense of future vision helped him survive. He realized he had a choice, and his choice was to live.

The human animal is the only organism so far known to be aware of its own existence. Untrained, this awareness does not help him overcome his instincts to react to any given situation. Frankl has found out that it is possible to use the will to make a choice on how one can react.

Other theories also hold true to this tenet. Sales people have long practiced that if one smiles long, he will eventually feel good about himself. In essence, he can make himself feel anything he wants. In essence, it is outside-in.

Smile even if there is no reason to smile. It will foster a sense of positivism that drives out negative thoughts. This is a two-edged sword. Try to frown and you can find yourself too serious to even let people near you. Our thoughts are fluid and they are ever in one state to the other.

The challenge is to keep them where you want them.

The Buddhists have long recommended breathing methods to clear the cobwebs from your everyday life. They believe that a sense of detachment and awareness of one’s state is the key to dealing with unbalanced emotion.

The effect of breathing is that concentrating on the breath is a source of steadiness that is much needed when one needs a sense of control. Breathing deeply and concentrating on it also loosens hold on the ego. It supplies the body with more oxygen to fight the effects of stress.

The Buddhists sense of detachment lessens the stress of responsibility by teaching the practitioner to not be concerned on the outcome of a task, but to only enjoy the process. Coupled with an emphasis on simplicity, compassion, and exercise, the lifestyle Buddhists lead is full of activity yet does not affect their outlook in life.

The test is still to catch yourself when you are too stressed to function well. This is where choice comes in. You make the choice to stop work when going on will be counter-productive. You choose whether it is feasible to commit to a project when you know you already have your hands full. Awareness is the gauge that tells you when you have too much. Choice is the lever that you turn to ease the pressure.

Part of choosing is when to say no. When presented with an opportunity. One must ask if the opportunity is feasible and if there it time to devote to it? If it is not, then there should be no shame in declining. Overloading oneself is another sign of poor choice, and doesn’t do you or the inviting party any lasting good.

The key is the awareness to response with an appropriate choice.