Series

How to Build Self-Esteem Part 7: Do You Always Speak Negatively About Yourself

This is part 7 in our self-esteem series. (Read Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5 and Part 6.)

How to Catch a Negative Thought

Have you ever examined the mental chatter you have in your head? Is it positive or negative? Do you find yourself in constant doubt? Second-guessing yourself when you should have gone for it? Were you encouraged when you were young? Did you ever know you could do that, but was afraid of failure?

So many questions!

All these thoughts stop us from making a lot of mistakes. Problem is mistakes are the way mankind usually learns. Surviving his mistakes makes man stronger and wiser in a manner that he never forgets. Because we stops ourselves, we don’t grow as much.

Learn to recognize negative thoughts. Here are the signs:

- Automatic. These thoughts seem to come naturally to your mind. One would be mistaken to think they are the norm though. If children were observed, why would they be uninhibited then?

We are all naturally without negative thoughts. As children, to be integrated into society meant that we have to be trained to be a part of society. This meant that measures had to be taken to keep us in check at times.

Unfortunately some parents took to verbal and physical punishment as a means to control their kids. But the purpose to discipline gets outlived and we still remember the shaming incidents we went through more than a decade ago. Without conscious intervention, we keep the tape running over and over again.

- Emotionally charged. We feel strongly about it. We are involved with it. Our blood goes pumping and our heart rater kicks up more than a notch. We can’t help it. But are we helpless?

Fortunately, we are not helpless. Though for years we have been avoiding the subject, we can choose to face the facts and make ourselves better again. The first step is to accept that we have this problem.

We can also choose the response we give this kind of stimulation. Viktor Frankl, a concentration camp internee taught that “between stimulus and response, there is a gap.” With practice, we can widen this gap and create a space where we can react in a manner we choose to a situation.

- Draining. Negative thoughts do not give energy to go on doing things at the same level or makes us suddenly lose our enthusiasm. We become distracted and preoccupied where concentration and focus is required.

Negative thoughts take energy away from the work you do. It is counterproductive and makes you get in the way of yourself. If you find yourself in this situation, stop. Take a break, and take time to return to your center.

Find a quiet corner and sit down. Relax and close your eyes. Concentrate on breathing naturally through your mouth. Take slow deep breaths that go all the way into your center. When you find yourself totally on your breath, then you can think about things that make you happy and excited.

After a few minutes, you’ll feel invigorated and ready to do another round.

Negative thoughts are a product of what happened to us in the past. It may well be good advice that we find ways to keep it in the past, let go and move on into the present and future without any useless baggage.